Never again!!!

As I was sitting today, just going over my day, I just started thinking about all the people that I come across who fight the same battles over and over and over.
I also thought of myself, of the countless times I found myself caught in a trap that I had previously had to manouver myself out of... And after a whole lot of thought, I decided I have had enough!!!

I mean, life as it is is full of many kinds of battles, each level of growth and maturity comes with it's own set of problems...so why should I be fighting current wars as well as last season's battles!!!

There are a few battles that I MAKE A DECISION not to fight anymore... Studying (this will no longer be a battle, it has to be done...and I know it...the season for fighting it is over), Making bad financial decisions ( I will no longer walk in the shadow of bad decisions when it comes to money... Nor will I battle with status), fitting in ( I am not where I am today because people decided to put there, I am where I am because God pre-ordained me to be, therefore I do not people's opinions to sustain me - all I need is God... I will no longer struggle with being liked, or with being popular: I am made to stand out)... Unhealthy relationships, unnecessary anger... The list goes on.

Yester-year's struggles belong there!!! This year is the year of a new breed of struggles, and luckily God has equipped us to handle them because they are for us to bear. But if our energies are directed to things that we should've dealt with long ago then how will we walk our path faithfully?

We need to face our battles as they become due - in the same way we face our debts... Because in life if you don't pass a "test", you will always be challenged to face it until you pass it...
Deal with it now so u can be free to move on to greater battles!!!

my perfect valentine

There's a lot of different stories behind st Valentine's day, some say Valentine was a priest who helped young soldiers to get married when the law did not permit them, some say he just helped christian prisoners escape from prison and some say he fell inlove while in prison with a jailer's daughter and just before his death sent her a note signed : with love your Valentine...

Well, whatever the real story is behind valentine's day, I, like many other girls (and some boys) I know, am a sucker for valentine's day!!! It's like a huge thing for me...I even have my very own fantasy valentine's day:

I wake up to a call from my secret valentine saying he just wanted to wish me a great day and I'm thinking,"do I know you?"...but I don't tell him this, instead I wish him a good day too.
Then I wash and go to work, at around 10am I get a call from the receptionist telling me that there's a delivery for me and I go to find that my valentine (whose identity I still don't know), has left me a single red rose and a note saying: can't wait to see u @ lunch, with love - your valentine... And embarassd I take the flower and the note and walk back up to my desk feeling really happy and trying not to show it. At 12h45pm I get another call from reception saying I have a visitor and wait till 1pm to walk down because it's almost lunch, when I get there my valentine , who I now recognise as the man of my dreams is waiting there with another rose in his hand and tells me, "I'm here to take you to lunch, I hope you brought your appetite with you"...and he takes my hand and leads me to his car. I get in, not caring that it is old and beaten up because all that matters is finally this guy had the guts to make a move. And so I sit back and he drives us to the park @ the waterfront and takes a picnic basket out of his boot filled with little delicasies and a bottle of sparkling grape juice...he holds my hand and we sit on the grass and talk and laugh... At 1h45pm he drives me back to work and tells me, "see you later, valentine".
So I spend the rest of the afternoon in anticipation of what lies ahead. Later on, after work I get to my place and I find that he has left a note, a package and a rose in my mailbox at my place, that says, "relax and enjoy what's left of your valentine's...love:your valentine"...and I get to my flat and quickly open the package to find rose petals and different sorts of little bath salts and soaps in the package...happily I run some water in the bath, pour all these in and spend what's left of my valentine's day relaxing and thinking about my valentine. A little later, just after I have closed my book and just before I switch off the light to sleep, he calls - my valentine - and says, "thank you for making my day special, good night valentine!!!"
...And I tell him the same and then doze off to dreamland and dream about: my perfect valentine's!!!

Okay, I admit that this is a bit over-the-top and totally far-fetched!!! I mean, what if I'm not at the office all day at valentine's,and what if the juice spills on my white shirt - my day would be totally ruined!!! and what if my skin starts reacting to the bath salts, and I sneeze everytime I get a rose - and what if mr Valentine is not even who I want him to be...then my valentine's would just be a nightmare, right!!!
The dream itself is a cliche' I know, but then again, valentine's day is a cliche'. It's the only day I allow myself to even think that life can be perfect, it's just a day to make those you love feel special in your own little way. And it's one of the few "commercial holidays" that I truly appreciate.
And the good thing is, I don't have to bury my head in the sand and pretend tomorrow is not valentine's day just because I don't have anyone special in my life, because I'm sure I have people that secretly and openly admire me out there and if they don't send me a rose or two, I can and will definitely make somebody whom I admire smile tomorrow,and that will be enough to make my day special.

Happy valentine's day to all...may your valentine's touch your hearts and may you be a great valentine to someone else!!!

No more resolutions!!!

So what's the deal with new year's resolutions. For many years now I have found myself disappointed at the end of the year, with a list of unaccomplished resolutions in hand, and at the beginning of the year I simply copy and paste from the previous year hoping that this time I will have the discipline to exercise everyday, that I will remember to drink 8 glasses of water daily, that I will make time to read a book a month, and that maybe this time I'll enroll for that french class I have always wanted to take... Well, I still don't speak any french, the only time I exercise is when I do taebo three times a month -and when I walk to classes and back, and I only got to read about five books in 2010.

So, what's the deal with new year's resolutions and not being accomplished. It's as if there's an unwritten law that if you write it down you will not do it, or is it simply that we tend to be a bit unrealistic when we set goals and cross that fine line between goals and dreams.

I mean, what made me think that I - with a bladder like mine - would even want to drink eight glasses of water a day, unless if I wanted to go to the toilet eight times a day too... And, who would, with a schedule like mine - having to juggle school, church activities and other extra-mural activities - have time to fit in french classes as well.

In addition to all this, its not like when the new year begins you can simply erase the past at the click of a button, which makes it extremely difficult to start over and embark on a new journey, unless, of course, if you are lucky enough to be handed a brand new life on 1st January.

So this year, I decided to leave new year's resolutions alone. Instead, I will take my life one month at a time, so that I don't have to wait until December to realise that I don't know a word of french. This will allow me to take stock of my life every month and make the necessary adjustments in order to achieve the goals that I have set for the month...
And, I certainly do not suggest that this is the approach that everyone should take in setting goals for their lives, because everyone has a different life and should therefore have their own way of putting their life in order and that's exactly why the new year's resolutions thing doesn't work for most people, because evaluating one's life every 12 months is simply silly.

So goodbye 2010, goodbye new year's resolutions, and hello 2011 hello accomplished monthly goals

BLACK, so what???

So I'll admit it, I can't find the perfect topic to write about as my first ever blog!!! So I thought, the best way to introduce myself is to share a piece I wrote a while ago, then we'll take it from there.
So here it goes...

today, a thought struck me. today i had to answer the question: why does my blackness offend me?
today i had to face the fact that i AM a black woman, in a democratic South Africa, and i had to explain to myself, why this brought me such shame? so today, i thought i could pose this question, to you fellow black brothers and sisters. I thought maybe we could collect our thoughts and deliberate on why being black is such a shame.
i first discovered my blackness when i entered the gates of this institution – having grown up in Lesotho. All of a sudden I had to indicate on every form that i filled in, the colour of my skin. All of a sudden, i was told i had to live with my own kind, and that i had to attend classes with those that spoke my language.
My vocabulary was increased from 4-letter words to words like minorities, integration, transformation, “black & white hostels”, “darkies”. And some words which i only knew in theory suddenly came to life... racism, segregation, initiation!!!
So today i realised that it is not my blackness that offends me, for it is simply the cloak in which God chose to place me. What offends me is what it means to be black, not only in this institution but also in the greater South Africa.
Blackness means Poverty, inferiority, minority, dirt, townships & shanty towns, alcoholism, abuse, degradation of women...
The thing is, I am proud of being black. To me blackness represents; Victorius struggles, strength. As a young black woman i have the opportunity to walk in the footsteps of other great black men and women that came before me, i have the opportunity to learn the history of our struggle, and to take pride in it. I have the opportunity to make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me. I have the priviledge of having UBUNTU stamped on the depths of my soul, it just comes naturally to me.
As a young black woman I have the opportunity to be who I want to be in South Africa. I have doors opened for me, on behalf of those that walked this road before me. those that didn’t have such opportunity.
So today, i declare this, brothers and sisters. I declare it so that everyone should know that when you call me black, i don’t get offended. it does not offend me. Because blackness does not mean to me what it means to you.
so when you call me black, you are declaring me victorius, you declare me powerful and you declare me honourable because when u call me black you are putting my name right between Nelson Mandela and Chris Hani.
So don’t call me black to provoke me, because when you call me black i won’t raise my fist to fight you, but i will raise it to shout AMANDLA!!!
So don’t put me in a category with a black drunken brother who mugged you last night, because Rosa Parks was black, Martin Luther King was black, Oprah Winfrey is black, Maya Angelou is black.

I am not ashamed of my blackness. My blackness does not offend me. so don’t turn me against my blackness.